Tannishblog

Walking a tightrope of despair, I escape today. My recent promotion is threatening to upend my fragile balance. See my previous post on “Bucking the Trend,” it infers some of the issues therein. Friday, my daughter came home from high school in a fret caused by the school’s faulty system of class pre-enrollment, and their lack of cohesive counseling on the topic. She took most of an hour to calm, and when the wife came home, she reduced the poor girl to tears with the first question.

Yesterday, the daughter and I shared a quiet day doing our own things together about the house while the wife worked her once-a-month-on-the-weekend job. Evening weather was bad – freezing snow flurries – but dinner was hot and timely. When she got home, traffic had her so worked up she was in too hyperactive to calm down. Instant disruption: Whatever peace we gained throughout the day now lay shattered. I made he mistake of reminding my wife that her problems were over, that she could begin to calm down. Instead, she exploded and stormed off from dinner. She later said she felt hurt at my lack of empathy.

Some days, no matter how we try to duct tape our lives, things fall apart. At work this is happening, and now at home. Today, I mope about in a haze, my emotive glands as sore and swollen as the disk in my lumbar region. Even my escape-of-choice seems empty today.

I thought I had my depression cycle tamed after I quit the drugs and cigarettes, after I started meditation. It seems prolonged stress awakens that unhappy ghost. Please forgive my unburdening onto this (usually) political blog a glimpse into my fractured personality: Catharsis is needed. If viewed as the symptoms of a victim of the American Dream, it all ties in anyway. Pretending that other people read this, relate to it, and send their silent understand and well-wishes, may sustain me toward healing. In advance, I thank you.